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Biblical Wives

Today's Short Reading From The Bible ... A Reading from Genesis

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

Then He made the earth round ... And He laughed and laughed and laughed.

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Baptist Church Dinner

A group of friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Herb and Lucille to be the hosts, Lucille wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak, but because the mushrooms were so expensive, she told Herb, "No mushrooms. They are just too expensive."

He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."

She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them, and they're OK."

So Lucille decided to give it a try. The next morning she picked a bunch, cleaned and sliced them for her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite.

All morning long, Lucille watched Ol' Spot, and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal that evening was a great success. Lucille had even hired a lady from town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played '42' and dominoes.

About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Lucille's ear, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."

Lucille went into hysterics. Finally, she calmed down enough to call the doctor and tell him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas, and we'll pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep everyone calm."

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left.

They were all sitting around the living room, looking pretty weak, when the helper lady came in and whispered to Lucille, "You know, that fellow that run over Ol' Spot never even stopped."

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An Irish Priest was transferred to Texas

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

Sergeant Jones answered the phone, "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

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Biblical Children

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way !"

"Yes way !"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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